Imagineering

Georgia's state legislature is currently considering House Bill 147, which is yet another thinly-veiled anti-abortion law. From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution article about the bill:

HB 147 requires women seeking an abortion to undergo an ultrasound. The woman is then given the option of viewing the results. The bill also has language that says the ultrasound must be of high enough quality so the fetal heartbeat can be heard.

I'll be frank: I'm pro-choice when pressed, but am hardly comfortable with it. I've always felt that both sides purposefully push the rhetoric and debate to the extremes, out of their fear of giving an inch and having the other side take a mile. It seems so obvious to me that an embryo or fetus is not "just a clump of cells"; neither is it a child. To argue otherwise not only makes me dizzy, it minimizes the very real trauma that many women go through when making difficult decisions about an unwanted pregnancy, a pregnancy begun in violence, an unhealthy pregnancy, a dangerous pregnancy, infertility, and of course, miscarriage or pregnancy loss.

Okay, all that said, I have two main problems with this bill, and neither one (surprisingly) has to do with the fact that it's a transparent attempt to decrease the number of abortions by some method other than decreasing the number of unwanted pregnancies.

1. It is often impossible to get an ultrasound for a wanted pregnancy in the first trimester. If you don't have a history of loss, some previous medical problem, or extra cash, you're probably not going to have an ultrasound until 18 weeks. This bill is not about giving women who are seeking abortions the standard of obstetrical care. It would actually give them better obstetrical care than most women in Georgia. Something's wrong here.
2. The assumption that these poor women have no idea what they're doing is so patronizing as to make me feel physically ill. Again, from the article:

   Rep. James Mills (R-Gainesville), the sponsor of HB 147, told the committee the purpose of the bill is to give women all the information necessary to make an informed decision before getting an abortion. Mills said women need to know information about fetal development, heartbeat and other factors prior to getting an abortion.

   This is coming from the same state that passed a bill which required doctors to give women seeking abortions incorrect information linking abortions and breast cancer. Thanks, Rep. Mills, but I think I'll inform myself instead of relying on you. Go ahead and spend your time on something useful, like repealing the Sunday alcohol sales law. Because, you know, I'm just a stupid woman who likes to get drunk and pregnant so I can have abortions for fun.

Day 9

9 -- Today, I will work to understand and respect another culture.

I see two choices here:

1. Continue with my efforts to understand and respect my mother-in-law's culture, both the culture she derived from growing up somewhere other than the US, and the culture of being a mother-in-law, or
2. Attempt to understand and respect the culture of UNC, since the Duke-Carolina game is tonight.

Truly, I don't know which to choose. I'm only one person, and I can only do so much.

A season for nonviolence - days 5-8

Better late than never. Here are the daily pieces of peace since the weekend:

5 -- Today, I will plant seeds--plants or constructive ideas.
6 -- Today, I will hold a vision of plenty for all the world's hungry and be open to guidance as to how I can help alleviate some of that hunger.
7 -- Today, I will acknowledge every human being's fundamental right to justice, equity, and equality.
8 -- Today, I will appreciate the earth's bounty and all of those who work to make my food available (i.e., grower, trucker, grocery clerk, cook, waitress, etc.)

I have found myself thinking about some of the earlier days' intentions more than these, but here they are for anyone playing along at home. It's a bit paralyzing to try to be "open to guidance" as to how to mitigate world hunger. I'm an overly-scheduled wife-mother-student-daughter-in-law with more disposable income than time (although not much of either), so my first thought is, "Ack, help! I'll give some money." Supremely unsatisfying, but in the name of making peace with myself, I'm not going to beat myself up for the fact that I cannot be everything to all people. I'm doing the best I can, and I'm trying to be mindful about how to do better.

Along those lines, I'm giving a little bit to the Global Fund for Children. This organization was started by a friend of mine and it does good things. If you're looking for a place to share at some point, please consider it.

Back to my peaceful coffee and solo working time while I wait for a doctor's appointment. Right now I appreciate the woman who made my coffee and who chose a beautiful CD to play while I enjoy some alone time.

Texas giants

If it wasn't enough to lose Ann Richards recently, now Molly Ivins has died as well. There's not much I can say that would do her justice. She was passionate, she was funny, and her dog's name was an expletive. We should all do such a good job living.

Day 4

Day 4 -- Today, I will take time to admire and appreciate nature.

Well, that one's done. How can you not take time to admire and appreciate nature on a morning when the fog is playing with the trees, the redbuds are already blooming (yikes!) and the bushes outside my building have really strange berry configurations shooting out of the stems?

Evaluamations

WonderGirl brought her first report-card-like-beast home yesterday. We've had parent conferences in the past, or updates from preschool teachers, but never an honest-to-goodness written, check the boxes, line up the horses, kind of evaluation. We discovered the folder in her backpack as we were heading out the door, but DT and I both knew we couldn't wait until we got home to read it. With DT's mom cozily stuffed between the kids and carseats in the back, he quietly read the highlights to me as I drove and we both hoped that WonderGirl was sufficiently distracted enough by trying to keep Rocco from taking her Corduroy book that she wouldn't pipe up, "What? What are you reading?"

Here's the thing: I know WonderGirl is interested in learning. She's curious, loves school, is attracted to new ideas and stories, draws appropriately for her age, has suddenly become an independent reader, and seems well-adjusted socially. She's independent, to put it mildly, and has a level of confidence in herself that I think is appropriate for her age. I know she's doing fine in life. Add to this the fact that I have a great amount of respect for her teachers and her school, and they've never given us an indication that she is doing anything other than thriving.

And yet, I'd by lying if I didn't say I was quietly nervous, waiting for DT to give me the word as we drove.

The report was glowing, I think it's fair to say. It was thorough and detailed, with little pieces of commentary that made me laugh. One of the (many, many) skills which were evaluated was something about following multi-step directions. Not only does WonderGirl apparently remember directions exactly, she "helps the rest of her work group remember the directions." In other words, she's bossy. We read that she is meticulous to the point of not always finishing work, since she holds her work to very high standards, but there wasn't anything about frustration with not being able to do something the way she imagined. I would guess this is something we'll have to work with her on, in time, but for now, it just means that she has excellent handwriting for a 5-year-old and art projects that are slow but well-done. We read that she had a problem at the beginning of the year with pushing when there was a conflict over who was rightfully first in line; now she "remembers to use words," as she "asserts her position." That's our child -- she doesn't let others walk on her, but if she can do it nicely, then more power to her.

I'm not surprised that she's doing well on the academic side of things, precisely because she is curious, trusts adults and likes to be told new things. I'm quite happy, and relieved, that she is doing well socially, and that she is turning out to be sensitive to her classmates and tries to help when they have problems. I'm grateful beyond description that she has teachers who see her clearly and honestly; there was nothing in the report that felt off or biased. Here's hoping that her school career is always so positive.

Day 3

Day 3 -- Today, I will practice nonviolence and respect for Mother Earth by making good use of her resources.

I don't know that there is a lot new I can do for today's practice. I did make sure to take the stairs this morning, instead of the elevator; my (vegetarian) lunch is in reusable containers instead of a ziploc bag; I drove as smoothly as I could, sans tailgating, for fuel efficiency; I turned off all the lights at home in unused rooms. Except for occasionally taking the elevator and using a ziploc bag (which I throw away instead of washing, bad Ruth!) every few weeks, these are my daily rituals, though. We're fortunate to have excellent curbside recycling service in our county (plastics #1-7, baby!) and DT saves most of our food scraps for composting at WonderGirl's school. We don't generate as much trash as the majority of neighbors. Definitely, we could go pioneer-style if we decided to change our lives completely, but given where we live and where I go to school, we can't stop driving completely or start growing our own food, etc. Plus, there's that whole I-can-kill-a-cactus horticultural thing I have going on.

I think this might have to be enough. I'll be mindful of the small things and intentional about and grateful for what I do use.

Day 2 - A season for nonviolence

2 -- Today, I will look at opportunities to be a peacemaker.

Okay, on first blush, this one doesn't look so hard. I just have to look at the opportunities, right? Not actually do anything? Maybe I'll work up to action by day 34 or so...

In truth, this one is difficult for me. I don't think I'm unusual that, as a female, I feel at times like it's my sworn duty to make peace between people around me; often, this is unhelpful for everyone. It's not a long path from trying to be a peacemaker to trying to please everyone, and I have come to realize that I've made a lot of relationships more difficult than necessary by doing just that. Being a peacemaker may be more of a tightrope act than I've realized in the past. Too much action or effort often decreases the peace, yo. (It had to be said.)

As a grad student, I don't get to interact with a lot of other people on a daily basis -- I'm holed up in a cave, just me and my laptop and my well-worn copy of Unix for Dummies. It's not hard to make peace with or between people who aren't there. I'll probably get my opportunities to practice this after I go home, since my mother-in-law is currently visiting us. I'm going to do my best to listen to her, and be with her, with a clear mind. I'm going to try not to listen for negativity or criticism, and try to hear what she really means, as opposed to fixating on the words she says. She and I have different native languages and different ingrained cultural assumptions, so I'm going to work on giving her that space to be who she is and not judging her according to my own history and assumptions. I'm going to try.